"Fear" is another word for "don't," and the word "don't" stops most of us in our tracks. It causes us to doubt, have negative thoughts and more tragically, not trust our inner voice which ultimately paralyzes our forward movement in life.
Fear originates in childhood when our parents felt it their duty to pass on their fears as they worked diligently until they made us fear the things they feared. Although well-meaning, they handed down their irrational fears --False Evidence Appearing Real. The thought behind instilling fear was to keep us safe. That in and of itself is irrational. So rather than teaching fear we need to educate the next generation, not about what "could" happen, i.e. "if you don't look both ways when crossing the street you will get hit by a car," but rather, "people drive cars on the street so remember to look both ways before crossing it." One parent frightens the child, the other empowers the child. Ultimately, we develop tapes in our minds that dictate behavior and that behavior translates into "playing it safe," "not stepping out of the box," and "being afraid of failure." Rather than "no pain, no gain," "take the road less traveled," "the bigger the risk, the better the payoff."
Many people are not doing what they want to do in life because they are afraid of failure. It is a well known fact that the person who believes they can succeed and the person who believes they can't are both right. The person who believes they "can't" is powered by fear and it gets in the way of everything! "I shouldn't open my dream business because I may fail; I shouldn't get married because it may fail; I shouldn't write a book because it may not sell; I shouldn't buy that house because I may not be able to pay the mortgage," and the shouldn'ts go on and on.
The question to ask yourself when fear consumes your thoughts is, "What would I do if I weren't afraid?" Then hold on to the answer, visualize what you would do, how it will feel, and believe you have the ability, the universal support, and the innate wisdom as a creator to achieve your goals. All people who are successful in life take gambles, they never doubt, they never quit, they never let anyone get in their way and they ultimately never lose. My entire life has been one gamble after another. I never let anyone tell me I couldn't do something. And if a person said no to me it didn't mean that I couldn't do it, it just meant I couldn't do it with them. Oh well...their loss.
Don't ever let anyone define you, or dictate whether you will be successful at something or not. They have no idea what you're capable of and most often they're jealous of your vision. Be your own person and define your future with the knowledge that your God-given free will dictates that you can do anything you set your mind to!
Dr. Donna's Heart Cockles were designed to keep you focused on your goals. Visualizing and focusing is the secret to success.
You were born to succeed and be happy. Now get out there and ask yourself, "What would I do if I weren't afraid?! And then...DO IT!
Check back next month when Dr. Donna's bog will explore why some people think they can have it all...and do!
Donna Dannenfelser, Ed.D