Revenge…one of our most wasteful emotions seems to hold many of us captive with the misconception that after a misdeed has been inflicted upon us we will somehow feel better by…”getting even.” The need to “get even” eventually leads to behavior that ultimately will bring us to the emotion called regret. Revenge never leads to happiness, it most often leads to damages manifesting in the form of financial liability, innocent bystanders being hurt either emotionally or physically, and always knowing that we are just as bad as the original offender.
So what do you do when you are the victim of a misdeed? There is no question that turning the other cheek can often times be difficult. I don’t propose turning away but rather embracing the situation by voicing your feelings. Stand up for yourself; don’t let anyone get away with hurting you. Seek support from others around you if you must, but the best way of feeling better is to speak up for yourself, finding out what the other person was thinking and feeling when they chose to hurt you. React truthfully to them by first understanding what they were thinking when they committed the act in question and then explain to them how their behavior has affected you, and why.
What will happen next is that both of you will begin to understand the issue at hand and you both can start working through that issue. Don’t be surprised when an apology is quickly given, and trust that it is sincere.
If someone hurts you it is most often about them, their jealousy, insecurity, and fears. Help them to understand themselves and in doing so you will have grown and learned more about the amazing person you are, and were meant to be.
Dr. Donna XO
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