Goal Setting vs. Intention

So, I was thinking of a topic to blog about and asked my daughter-in-law Michelle, mother of my two year old grandson Colin, for an idea. Before I could even get to my computer she responded.

“Actually I do have a topic,” she said, “How to set goals and intentions. Like a step by step process.”

“Grasshopper”, I responded, “you always ask me this question. What is it that you don’t understand…specifically?”

“Goal setting, there is a process to it. Most people only write in general terms. Think about what you want, write it down, blah, blah, blah. That’s not good enough. How do you write it? Present tense? How should you actually state it? And intentions are different than goals. What are intentions? How should you write them? Every article I read is very general. There is no ‘how to’ step guide.”

“Well Grasshopper, there are many ‘How To’ step guides. But it’s not about that. First it’s about knowing the difference between intentions and goals. Next It’s about patience, understanding and focus. So, let’s begin.”

There is a subtle distinction between goal setting and intention and it is that distinction that makes a huge difference in the outcome and in the experience.

When you set a goal, you think realistically. You analyze your current situation and then you plan out each step that you believe you need to take to reach that goal. Setting goals is based on reasoning and creating a plan. It’s a cognitive process of analyzing, planning and reasoning. We stand in control of the plan and all the steps on how to get there. The problem with goal setting is that life usually gets in the way. You get distracted and many times you just can’t seem to stay on schedule. You become frustrated and disappointed. You begin to lose hope and you wind up getting in your own way of success. You then start to negotiate another plan, setting new goals but the same thing begins to happen and your vision for a better future becomes dismal because of the negative thoughts that by this point have taken over your goal setting thoughts. Sound familiar?

There is another way. It’s called living by intention. Setting an intention is a similar process like setting a goal, but the difference is that you don’t plan out the steps along the way. You just intend (visualize) the outcome and surrender the process to the universe because in this scenario the “how” of getting there is none of your business. The only requirement that intention has is that it comes from your heart. It has to be something you really want. It does not come from the reasonable you. It comes from the creative part of you which has no restrictions and knows no boundaries.  I’m sure you’ve experienced the battle that takes place inside all of us between the heart and the mind. Many times what the heart wishes for the mind can destroy with many reasons. 

Setting an intention begins with a thought of what you want to happen. You push all the reasons of why it won’t or can’t happen out of your mind. It’s imagining every day how you will feel when that intention manifests itself. It’s like pretending that something you’ve always wanted is actually happening. You are intending with your heart the outcome of certain situations. Exciting situations that would inspire you to move your life in different directions that cause you to smile. 

You can try it with little things first. You have a phone call to make that could go badly. Intend that the phone call go well. You do that by visualizing the phone call ending exactly as you want it to end. Along with that visual, feel how it will be after you hang up and you have achieved exactly what you had hoped you would. You are not thinking about what you’re going to say and what the other person is going to say, you are just imagining the end result.

That’s how you intend Grasshopper. Now go intend that Colin is already potty trained, lol.

"Ya Gotta Read The Field!"

Ya Gotta Read The Field!

            Michelle, my daughter-in-law, or Grasshopper, as I often refer to her taken from the "Kung-Fu" TV series, possesses more untapped potential than anyone I have ever met. Wife to my eldest son Jason at the age of 22, mother to my grandson Colin at the age of 24 along with becoming a certified public accountant that same year, scoring 99, 93, 92 & 84 on the four part accounting exam. Also, being a homeowner at the age of 25 puts her in the category of achieving a lot more than most given her few short adult years on this planet.

            As I’m visiting with her at her home on Long Island, she sits with tissues in hand and tears streaming down her face as she painfully explains her feeling of being stuck in her life. Worried about money, the idea of a second child haunting her and her full time job that is boring her out of her mind, she just can’t seem to get out of her own way.

“I’m tired, I’m bored, I hate my job, there’s never enough money. I can’t leave my job, how will the bills get paid.” She cries.

            “Alas, my darling, you’re not reading the field,” I say.

            “What?” she whimpers.

“In football the best players are able to get in position and before making their decision of where to tear up the line they read the field. They’re looking for an opening, they’re anticipating the moves of the other players and how they can maneuver through the line of defense and get to the end zone. Similar to life when you have to learn to spot opportunities. Learn how to read the world around you and anticipate certain changes and how they will impact opportunities coming your way.”

            “But how do you do that?” she cries.

“You breathe. You focus on being happy. You begin. You get in position, and you look around at the other players. What are they doing? You study the ones that have succeeded and you ask how they did it. You can’t back up your bet and that’s what you want to do. You want someone to tell you that you’ll win and no one can tell you that. It’s like free falling. You have to be willing to take the chance and believe you won’t splatter on a rock. That your dive will enable you to enter the water without injury. Life is set up for you to succeed. You don’t even need a backup plan, as a matter of fact if you set up a backup plan that just might be what you end up with. But if you visualize your success and accept no other scenario the Universe will have to deliver your dream or go one step further, deliver an even better scenario, one that you would have never dreamed possible.”

            Life is the ultimate team sport. You are the gladiator given everything you need to be successful if you just believe. You want guarantees, there aren’t any. And if there were what would be the point to all this. These challenges separate the men from the boys, or in this case the women from the girls.

            And I know what you’re thinking Grasshopper, “But how….?” Stop over thinking everything. Stop planning every little move. Calm down, visualize what you want in as much detail as possible and don’t ask how it’s going to happen. The “how’s” to this are none of your business. Does the field kicker ask about aerodynamics before he kicks the football through the uprights? No he doesn’t, he just focuses, kicks and voila through the goal posts it goes. He really doesn’t know how it happens he just knows that it does. And for those times when it doesn’t he will admit, he was distracted.

There is something greater than ourselves working for you out there. It is the intangibles, your gut feelings, those serendipitous moments, the power we were all born with to create. Your son knows it, why do you think babies are so happy? They look at us and think, WTF, have they all forgotten the power of thought?? Oh god I hope that doesn’t happen to me. There is power in the word “NO” but there is greater power in the word, “YES”.

If you want to be a worker bee and work behind a desk for 10 hours a day then so be it. There’s nothing wrong with that. But what I’m hearing is that you can’t stand it, you’re angry, you’re depressed, and you don’t love your life. Well, Grasshopper there is only one person to blame for that and it is you. So get away from your work desk and do what you have to do to move the energy toward your dreams. Knowing there are no guarantees except for the ones you put in place and that guarantee is that you don’t stop pushing toward the end zone until you have that football in hand and know that you are going to score…..a TOUCH DOWN!!

Dr. Donna's "Five Steps to Success"

There have been thousands of books written about the steps to success and even more written about successful people. We love to hear how millionaires made their money and we marvel at rags to riches stories, often times wishing it could be us. Success can be defined as many different things, not always money. It could be that perfect career, or that perfect relationship, or even that perfect home, car, or vacation. Success comes in all shapes and sizes depending on our needs and desires. So why do so many people feel unsuccessful? It's because they have given up on their dreams. When the going got tough, they dropped out, they lost hope, they quit.

Success is about staying focused and believing that you were born to succeed. Your job is to visualize your perfect life, put it out into the Universe and watch how chance meetings present themselves; how circumstances seem to happen that move you closer to your goal. Synchronicity becomes a way of life and you begin to understand how timing is everything. Often, it's those disappointing events that actually are the key experiences needed to get you on the right path to achieving the life of your dreams.

A while ago I went to get my car fixed and had to wait an hour. I went to a cafe' around the corner, sat at the bar and ordered a sandwich. A young guy came in and sat next to me, he was in his mid-twenties, had a tattoo on his arm that read, "Huckleberry". He looked at me, took some heavy deep breaths, ordered his lunch, and then looked at me again. Our eyes connected for a moment and he told me he hated his job. In that moment I actually felt his soul dying. For such a young person to hate what he did every day of his life struck me so deeply. No one should have to hate what they do for a living. The problem is that they don't know how to get what they want. And that's because they haven't been taught how. You get what you want by following five simple steps:

1. Identify what you want out of life. Define it in as much detail as possible and see the
end result in your mind's eye.
2. Visualize how you will look when your dream comes true, what the end result will look
like. Most importantly, feel what it will be like when you accomplish your goal.
3. Do something every day that moves the energy toward your goal.
4. Every day keep your energy high by feeling good and you will become an attracting
magnet, attracting just the right people that will help you achieve your goal.
5. Be grateful for the things you have today and believe you are deserving of all life's riches.

We're only here for a short while and one day we will die, so the question is...what do you want to do until that day? Visualize it, believe it will happen, and it will manifest!

During the time I was pitching my TV show, I visualized signing the contract for the show every time I signed my name. I did this for two years straight. I never missed an opportunity to visualize the signing of that contract. Whether it was signing my name on a check, charge card, birthday card, whatever, whenever I signed my name, I visualized signing that contract. The day I actually signed the SONY contract was surreal because I had already done it over and over again in my mind.

Many people tell me they have trouble staying the course of their dreams. Their negative self-talk gets in the way and they begin to doubt that their dreams will ever come true. They say that negative emotions take over and they convince themselves that they will never succeed. Our emotions are not our enemy. They actually serve us well. Our emotions are our built-in navigation system. First we have thoughts and then we have feelings. Our emotions actually tell us what we're thinking and whether or not we're going in the right direction . Our negative emotions tell us we have gone off track. If I'm feeling sad, the first thing I do is monitor my thoughts. What am I telling myself? And 100% of the time I'm thinking about something that saddens me. If I'm feeling anxious, I stop and think about what I'm telling myself and for sure I'm thinking about events that might happen in my life that would cause me to have a negative experience. Mind you, those events haven't happened yet, but had I kept thinking those thoughts the negative events would eventually manifest. If you're feeling anything other than comfortable, your emotions are trying to get you to change your thoughts. You attract what you think about whether you want it or not. You need to remember that the most important conversation you will ever have is the conversation you have with yourself!

Once we get a handle on our thoughts we can change them, and once we change our thoughts we change our lives. Once we change our lives we begin to smile, and once we smile we become happy. Once we become happy we attract all that makes us happy!

So take those "Five Steps to Success" and do them every morning before you get out of bed; that will focus your day. Do those again at night, as you are going off to sleep and the repetition of your desires will take a firm hold in your subconscious. Your subconscious is responsible for 96% of your decisions made every day. If your desires are firmly embedded in your subconscious you're decisions will always move you toward your goals.

Believe you are in charge of your destiny and never take your eye off the prize. You were born to succeed!

Next month's blog: "Why does it take so long for our desires to manifest?"

Donna Dannenfelser, Ed.D

Dr. Donna Examines Why Some People Have It All!

Right after we launched Heartcockles.com my cousin called me trying to decide which heart cockle to order. She said, "I need a job, but I'll take the Health Heart Cockle because without health you have nothing." I asked her if she were ill and she responded, "No, I just want to stay healthy." We talked for a while and what I discovered applies to many of us. Her belief system dictated to her that she could only have one or the other...health, or a career worth getting up for every day. This type of thinking has to do with Paradigms; in other words...our belief systems. Our paradigms are handed down to us by our parents. But, in all fairness, we can't put all the blame on our parents because they got their paradigms from their parents, who got their paradigms from their parents, and so on, as we in turn pass our paradigms down to our children.

It's time to stop the madness! We were all born to be healthy, wealthy, and happy. We were not born to suffer, have a difficult time with life and struggle. And I'll tell you this...if you are struggling it's because you choose to! You are deserving of all life's treasures and treats. If you believe that, it will be done; if you don't, you need to examine who in your life told you that you couldn't have it all and understand that they didn't know what the hell they were talking about!

There's a great book, The Millionaire Mind, by Thomas J. Stanley. He interviewed close to 1,000 millionaires in order to find something in common among them. What he found was that they had similar paradigms. Belief systems that were positive, focused on succeeding, and had the perserverance that demanded that they not take "no" for an answer. I've always said, "No, doesn't mean you can't make your dreams come true, it just means you can't do it with the person who's telling you "no".

There are many people who were born into poverty and stay there, as well as many people born into poverty and climb out of it into very successful careers. Why the difference? The actor, writer and producer Tyler Perry, in an interview shared with the world that he was born into poverty and had a very abusive father. A father that not only beat him regularly, but day after day told him he was no good and that he would never amount to anything. And even with all that going on, deep inside himself he always believed that he was good, that he would grow up to do wonderful things, and he did. Mariah Carey, the talented singer, grew up in a low income home not having much parental support, said in an interview that no matter what challenges she faced while growing up she always felt that she had a secret...that secret being that one day she would achieve great things. And one day she did. These two individuals are just two examples of people who didn't buy into the belief system they were exposed to as children, yet there are many that do and suffer because of it.

If you buy into the paradigm that "life is hard," "It's not easy to make a dollar," Money doesn't grow on trees," "You were born into poverty and that's where you'll stay," etc., then life will be hard, you will find it very difficult to earn a living, and you will never achieve great things.

The most important conversation you will ever have is the conversation you have with yourself. I'll even take it one more step..."Your belief system is more important than your formal education!" You can graduate at the top of your class, but if you don't believe you can achieve, it will never happen!

The question to ask yourself, "Do your paradigms limit you, or do they encourage you?" If your life is working for you then your paradigms are working for you. If your life is not what you want it to be then your paradigms are working against you and you need to examine your belief system by listening to what you tell yourself every day.

Our philosophy determines our income. Millionaires have millionaire thoughts. Wealth is not brought about by skill, it's brought about by thoughts! Thoughts become things. Worrying attracts things into our lives that we don't want. Negative thoughts attract negative events. Worry is drama and is brought about by a negative story that we keep telling ourselves, and others, over and over again.

Get out of the drama and create a new story of success. Think about the success you desire, talk about it and live in the "now" while focusing on what you want in your life; and every day do just one thing that will move you closer to your dreams. If you do that starting today, you will see immediate results. Your experiences will begin to challenge those damaging old paradigms and your belief system will change, and in turn so will your life. That's what millionaires do. Don't you want to be a millionaire?! Then believe you are deserving, change your current disappointing story to the one you were born to be living, and thrive.

You were born to succeed and be happy. It all begins with your thoughts!

Check back next month when Dr. Donna's blog will examine the "Five Steps to Success."

Donna Dannenfelser, Ed.D