Dr. Donna's "Five Steps to Success"

There have been thousands of books written about the steps to success and even more written about successful people. We love to hear how millionaires made their money and we marvel at rags to riches stories, often times wishing it could be us. Success can be defined as many different things, not always money. It could be that perfect career, or that perfect relationship, or even that perfect home, car, or vacation. Success comes in all shapes and sizes depending on our needs and desires. So why do so many people feel unsuccessful? It's because they have given up on their dreams. When the going got tough, they dropped out, they lost hope, they quit.

Success is about staying focused and believing that you were born to succeed. Your job is to visualize your perfect life, put it out into the Universe and watch how chance meetings present themselves; how circumstances seem to happen that move you closer to your goal. Synchronicity becomes a way of life and you begin to understand how timing is everything. Often, it's those disappointing events that actually are the key experiences needed to get you on the right path to achieving the life of your dreams.

A while ago I went to get my car fixed and had to wait an hour. I went to a cafe' around the corner, sat at the bar and ordered a sandwich. A young guy came in and sat next to me, he was in his mid-twenties, had a tattoo on his arm that read, "Huckleberry". He looked at me, took some heavy deep breaths, ordered his lunch, and then looked at me again. Our eyes connected for a moment and he told me he hated his job. In that moment I actually felt his soul dying. For such a young person to hate what he did every day of his life struck me so deeply. No one should have to hate what they do for a living. The problem is that they don't know how to get what they want. And that's because they haven't been taught how. You get what you want by following five simple steps:

1. Identify what you want out of life. Define it in as much detail as possible and see the
end result in your mind's eye.
2. Visualize how you will look when your dream comes true, what the end result will look
like. Most importantly, feel what it will be like when you accomplish your goal.
3. Do something every day that moves the energy toward your goal.
4. Every day keep your energy high by feeling good and you will become an attracting
magnet, attracting just the right people that will help you achieve your goal.
5. Be grateful for the things you have today and believe you are deserving of all life's riches.

We're only here for a short while and one day we will die, so the question is...what do you want to do until that day? Visualize it, believe it will happen, and it will manifest!

During the time I was pitching my TV show, I visualized signing the contract for the show every time I signed my name. I did this for two years straight. I never missed an opportunity to visualize the signing of that contract. Whether it was signing my name on a check, charge card, birthday card, whatever, whenever I signed my name, I visualized signing that contract. The day I actually signed the SONY contract was surreal because I had already done it over and over again in my mind.

Many people tell me they have trouble staying the course of their dreams. Their negative self-talk gets in the way and they begin to doubt that their dreams will ever come true. They say that negative emotions take over and they convince themselves that they will never succeed. Our emotions are not our enemy. They actually serve us well. Our emotions are our built-in navigation system. First we have thoughts and then we have feelings. Our emotions actually tell us what we're thinking and whether or not we're going in the right direction . Our negative emotions tell us we have gone off track. If I'm feeling sad, the first thing I do is monitor my thoughts. What am I telling myself? And 100% of the time I'm thinking about something that saddens me. If I'm feeling anxious, I stop and think about what I'm telling myself and for sure I'm thinking about events that might happen in my life that would cause me to have a negative experience. Mind you, those events haven't happened yet, but had I kept thinking those thoughts the negative events would eventually manifest. If you're feeling anything other than comfortable, your emotions are trying to get you to change your thoughts. You attract what you think about whether you want it or not. You need to remember that the most important conversation you will ever have is the conversation you have with yourself!

Once we get a handle on our thoughts we can change them, and once we change our thoughts we change our lives. Once we change our lives we begin to smile, and once we smile we become happy. Once we become happy we attract all that makes us happy!

So take those "Five Steps to Success" and do them every morning before you get out of bed; that will focus your day. Do those again at night, as you are going off to sleep and the repetition of your desires will take a firm hold in your subconscious. Your subconscious is responsible for 96% of your decisions made every day. If your desires are firmly embedded in your subconscious you're decisions will always move you toward your goals.

Believe you are in charge of your destiny and never take your eye off the prize. You were born to succeed!

Next month's blog: "Why does it take so long for our desires to manifest?"

Donna Dannenfelser, Ed.D

Dr. Donna Examines Why Some People Have It All!

Right after we launched Heartcockles.com my cousin called me trying to decide which heart cockle to order. She said, "I need a job, but I'll take the Health Heart Cockle because without health you have nothing." I asked her if she were ill and she responded, "No, I just want to stay healthy." We talked for a while and what I discovered applies to many of us. Her belief system dictated to her that she could only have one or the other...health, or a career worth getting up for every day. This type of thinking has to do with Paradigms; in other words...our belief systems. Our paradigms are handed down to us by our parents. But, in all fairness, we can't put all the blame on our parents because they got their paradigms from their parents, who got their paradigms from their parents, and so on, as we in turn pass our paradigms down to our children.

It's time to stop the madness! We were all born to be healthy, wealthy, and happy. We were not born to suffer, have a difficult time with life and struggle. And I'll tell you this...if you are struggling it's because you choose to! You are deserving of all life's treasures and treats. If you believe that, it will be done; if you don't, you need to examine who in your life told you that you couldn't have it all and understand that they didn't know what the hell they were talking about!

There's a great book, The Millionaire Mind, by Thomas J. Stanley. He interviewed close to 1,000 millionaires in order to find something in common among them. What he found was that they had similar paradigms. Belief systems that were positive, focused on succeeding, and had the perserverance that demanded that they not take "no" for an answer. I've always said, "No, doesn't mean you can't make your dreams come true, it just means you can't do it with the person who's telling you "no".

There are many people who were born into poverty and stay there, as well as many people born into poverty and climb out of it into very successful careers. Why the difference? The actor, writer and producer Tyler Perry, in an interview shared with the world that he was born into poverty and had a very abusive father. A father that not only beat him regularly, but day after day told him he was no good and that he would never amount to anything. And even with all that going on, deep inside himself he always believed that he was good, that he would grow up to do wonderful things, and he did. Mariah Carey, the talented singer, grew up in a low income home not having much parental support, said in an interview that no matter what challenges she faced while growing up she always felt that she had a secret...that secret being that one day she would achieve great things. And one day she did. These two individuals are just two examples of people who didn't buy into the belief system they were exposed to as children, yet there are many that do and suffer because of it.

If you buy into the paradigm that "life is hard," "It's not easy to make a dollar," Money doesn't grow on trees," "You were born into poverty and that's where you'll stay," etc., then life will be hard, you will find it very difficult to earn a living, and you will never achieve great things.

The most important conversation you will ever have is the conversation you have with yourself. I'll even take it one more step..."Your belief system is more important than your formal education!" You can graduate at the top of your class, but if you don't believe you can achieve, it will never happen!

The question to ask yourself, "Do your paradigms limit you, or do they encourage you?" If your life is working for you then your paradigms are working for you. If your life is not what you want it to be then your paradigms are working against you and you need to examine your belief system by listening to what you tell yourself every day.

Our philosophy determines our income. Millionaires have millionaire thoughts. Wealth is not brought about by skill, it's brought about by thoughts! Thoughts become things. Worrying attracts things into our lives that we don't want. Negative thoughts attract negative events. Worry is drama and is brought about by a negative story that we keep telling ourselves, and others, over and over again.

Get out of the drama and create a new story of success. Think about the success you desire, talk about it and live in the "now" while focusing on what you want in your life; and every day do just one thing that will move you closer to your dreams. If you do that starting today, you will see immediate results. Your experiences will begin to challenge those damaging old paradigms and your belief system will change, and in turn so will your life. That's what millionaires do. Don't you want to be a millionaire?! Then believe you are deserving, change your current disappointing story to the one you were born to be living, and thrive.

You were born to succeed and be happy. It all begins with your thoughts!

Check back next month when Dr. Donna's blog will examine the "Five Steps to Success."

Donna Dannenfelser, Ed.D