If I received a dollar every time a client told me that they married one of their parents, I would be a very rich woman. The truth of the matter is that we do marry one of our primary caretakers. Sorry, it’s the truth and this is why…
Did you ever meet someone for the first time and feel like you've known them your whole life? You are thrilled, and your first thought is that you’ve known them from a past life, or something. Well, it’s the something I want to address. We're attracted to our partners because they are familiar to us. They actually have qualities of one our primary caretakers whom we have the most issues with. And it will be through this relationship that we work out those issues in adulthood. Most often we set up very similar home lives to the ones we've experienced in childhood. I've always said that we spend most of our adulthood trying to get over our childhood and this is one of the ways we do it.
Question: What happens when we work out those issues with our partner and we are no longer blocked by them?
Answer: Often times those relationships come to an end. I know…this was as difficult for me to accept as I'm sure it is for you right now. The truth of the matter is that every relationship we engage in, we learn from, and these lessons add to our lives, helping us to grow into the people we were meant to be. If both partners grow, then the chances of them staying together increases.
Question: Do we ever find that one person who we don’t have to work out issues with?
Answer: Yes, only after we have worked out the issues that stand in the way of us developing into the amazing people we were meant to be.
Dr Donna XO
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Showing posts with label parents. Show all posts
Showing posts with label parents. Show all posts
Sunday, March 25, 2012
Thursday, August 5, 2010
Dr. Donna Examines Why Some People Have It All!
Right after we launched Heartcockles.com my cousin called me trying to decide which heart cockle to order. She said, "I need a job, but I'll take the Health Heart Cockle because without health you have nothing." I asked her if she were ill and she responded, "No, I just want to stay healthy." We talked for a while and what I discovered applies to many of us. Her belief system dictated to her that she could only have one or the other...health, or a career worth getting up for every day. This type of thinking has to do with Paradigms; in other words...our belief systems. Our paradigms are handed down to us by our parents. But, in all fairness, we can't put all the blame on our parents because they got their paradigms from their parents, who got their paradigms from their parents, and so on, as we in turn pass our paradigms down to our children.
It's time to stop the madness! We were all born to be healthy, wealthy, and happy. We were not born to suffer, have a difficult time with life and struggle. And I'll tell you this...if you are struggling it's because you choose to! You are deserving of all life's treasures and treats. If you believe that, it will be done; if you don't, you need to examine who in your life told you that you couldn't have it all and understand that they didn't know what the hell they were talking about!
There's a great book, The Millionaire Mind, by Thomas J. Stanley. He interviewed close to 1,000 millionaires in order to find something in common among them. What he found was that they had similar paradigms. Belief systems that were positive, focused on succeeding, and had the perserverance that demanded that they not take "no" for an answer. I've always said, "No, doesn't mean you can't make your dreams come true, it just means you can't do it with the person who's telling you "no".
There are many people who were born into poverty and stay there, as well as many people born into poverty and climb out of it into very successful careers. Why the difference? The actor, writer and producer Tyler Perry, in an interview shared with the world that he was born into poverty and had a very abusive father. A father that not only beat him regularly, but day after day told him he was no good and that he would never amount to anything. And even with all that going on, deep inside himself he always believed that he was good, that he would grow up to do wonderful things, and he did. Mariah Carey, the talented singer, grew up in a low income home not having much parental support, said in an interview that no matter what challenges she faced while growing up she always felt that she had a secret...that secret being that one day she would achieve great things. And one day she did. These two individuals are just two examples of people who didn't buy into the belief system they were exposed to as children, yet there are many that do and suffer because of it.
If you buy into the paradigm that "life is hard," "It's not easy to make a dollar," Money doesn't grow on trees," "You were born into poverty and that's where you'll stay," etc., then life will be hard, you will find it very difficult to earn a living, and you will never achieve great things.
The most important conversation you will ever have is the conversation you have with yourself. I'll even take it one more step..."Your belief system is more important than your formal education!" You can graduate at the top of your class, but if you don't believe you can achieve, it will never happen!
The question to ask yourself, "Do your paradigms limit you, or do they encourage you?" If your life is working for you then your paradigms are working for you. If your life is not what you want it to be then your paradigms are working against you and you need to examine your belief system by listening to what you tell yourself every day.
Our philosophy determines our income. Millionaires have millionaire thoughts. Wealth is not brought about by skill, it's brought about by thoughts! Thoughts become things. Worrying attracts things into our lives that we don't want. Negative thoughts attract negative events. Worry is drama and is brought about by a negative story that we keep telling ourselves, and others, over and over again.
Get out of the drama and create a new story of success. Think about the success you desire, talk about it and live in the "now" while focusing on what you want in your life; and every day do just one thing that will move you closer to your dreams. If you do that starting today, you will see immediate results. Your experiences will begin to challenge those damaging old paradigms and your belief system will change, and in turn so will your life. That's what millionaires do. Don't you want to be a millionaire?! Then believe you are deserving, change your current disappointing story to the one you were born to be living, and thrive.
You were born to succeed and be happy. It all begins with your thoughts!
Check back next month when Dr. Donna's blog will examine the "Five Steps to Success."
Donna Dannenfelser, Ed.D
It's time to stop the madness! We were all born to be healthy, wealthy, and happy. We were not born to suffer, have a difficult time with life and struggle. And I'll tell you this...if you are struggling it's because you choose to! You are deserving of all life's treasures and treats. If you believe that, it will be done; if you don't, you need to examine who in your life told you that you couldn't have it all and understand that they didn't know what the hell they were talking about!
There's a great book, The Millionaire Mind, by Thomas J. Stanley. He interviewed close to 1,000 millionaires in order to find something in common among them. What he found was that they had similar paradigms. Belief systems that were positive, focused on succeeding, and had the perserverance that demanded that they not take "no" for an answer. I've always said, "No, doesn't mean you can't make your dreams come true, it just means you can't do it with the person who's telling you "no".
There are many people who were born into poverty and stay there, as well as many people born into poverty and climb out of it into very successful careers. Why the difference? The actor, writer and producer Tyler Perry, in an interview shared with the world that he was born into poverty and had a very abusive father. A father that not only beat him regularly, but day after day told him he was no good and that he would never amount to anything. And even with all that going on, deep inside himself he always believed that he was good, that he would grow up to do wonderful things, and he did. Mariah Carey, the talented singer, grew up in a low income home not having much parental support, said in an interview that no matter what challenges she faced while growing up she always felt that she had a secret...that secret being that one day she would achieve great things. And one day she did. These two individuals are just two examples of people who didn't buy into the belief system they were exposed to as children, yet there are many that do and suffer because of it.
If you buy into the paradigm that "life is hard," "It's not easy to make a dollar," Money doesn't grow on trees," "You were born into poverty and that's where you'll stay," etc., then life will be hard, you will find it very difficult to earn a living, and you will never achieve great things.
The most important conversation you will ever have is the conversation you have with yourself. I'll even take it one more step..."Your belief system is more important than your formal education!" You can graduate at the top of your class, but if you don't believe you can achieve, it will never happen!
The question to ask yourself, "Do your paradigms limit you, or do they encourage you?" If your life is working for you then your paradigms are working for you. If your life is not what you want it to be then your paradigms are working against you and you need to examine your belief system by listening to what you tell yourself every day.
Our philosophy determines our income. Millionaires have millionaire thoughts. Wealth is not brought about by skill, it's brought about by thoughts! Thoughts become things. Worrying attracts things into our lives that we don't want. Negative thoughts attract negative events. Worry is drama and is brought about by a negative story that we keep telling ourselves, and others, over and over again.
Get out of the drama and create a new story of success. Think about the success you desire, talk about it and live in the "now" while focusing on what you want in your life; and every day do just one thing that will move you closer to your dreams. If you do that starting today, you will see immediate results. Your experiences will begin to challenge those damaging old paradigms and your belief system will change, and in turn so will your life. That's what millionaires do. Don't you want to be a millionaire?! Then believe you are deserving, change your current disappointing story to the one you were born to be living, and thrive.
You were born to succeed and be happy. It all begins with your thoughts!
Check back next month when Dr. Donna's blog will examine the "Five Steps to Success."
Donna Dannenfelser, Ed.D
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